Last night, or rather, this morning, I had a very strange dream.
The dream started as a strange...Godzilla-like Japanese movie in which there were these two monsters, one of which was a big reptile and the other was more like a giant moth (but I swear, it was NOT Godzilla OR Mothra - I know what they look like), and they were battling in a large city. I didn't interact with anyone, so I'm not sure if I was actually "there" for this part of the dream or if I was (as I am in quite a few of my dreams) in the role of the camera.
Then, as I was watching, the lizard thing tore it's claws into the moth's body and ripped it open. But instead of bug guts, something that looked like... stuffing...came pouring out. I turned away from the huge tide of polyfil stuffing and dove through a door, kicking it shut behind me. I was obviously now physically IN the dream, whereas before I'm fairly sure I was just a camera.
Inside this room, there was a young, beautiful asian girl. If I had to guess, I'd say she was Japanese, but I really am not a good judge of race. Her hair was long and raven black, flowing, and she was wearing some sort of white, lacy dress. Her legs and arms were bare, and so were her feet. I can still see her fairly clearly in my mind's eye.
She was sitting, curled up on the floor, and looked up at me. I felt my heart start pounding and I backed up against the door - her eyes were solid, obsidian black. Shiny, no pupils or whites visible at all - just black. And then she started to change.
At first, I thought she was shape-shifting into a snake. Her neck became long and weavy, and her arms and legs started lengthening as well, as her body thinned out - but she didn't change more than that. She was a living human-vine-creature, white alabaster skin reflecting the light of the room - the only black was her eyes and her hair. She weaved her head on an impossibly long neck toward me and hissed, opening her mouth and revealing a mouthful of twisted teeth like the Weeping Angels'.
I was frightened now - can you blame me? That was freaking disturbing. I grabbed the doorknob behind me and the door opened backwards, letting me out. I slammed it behind me but I could hear an eerie voice singing (I think it was vine-woman), "Now you've done it... here he comes!"
I started running, and as I have done in dreams for most of my life, I drop-shifted to wolf and kept running. I suddenly became aware of being followed, however, and I kept catching glances of a reddish feline shape never very far from me - and it seemed to be getting bigger.
The rest of the dream is kind of a blur. I remember rapidly shapeshifting from wolf to hawk to owl to fish back to wolf again, trying to lose my persuer, but he kept coming. I was vaguely aware that he was calling himself "Loki," though I doubt it was actually a Norse god chasing me through the area around where I used to live in Houston. But eventually I was exhausted and I turned to face him. It was at this moment that I woke up and became aware of one very, very important thing.
I had to go to the bathroom.
I should've guessed, honestly. Even if I go right before bed, I always wake up in six hours needing to go again, and if I IGNORE it and go back to sleep? I have a nightmare. I rarely have nightmares at ALL otherwise - in fact, every time I have, it's turned out to be a warning of something rather than just a random nightmare. Except when I decide to opt for sleep over getting up an hour or two earlier than I have to (because generally once I'm up, I'm up, no matter how long I've slept). Then, it's just my body trying to shock me awake so I'll go to the bathroom already.
All I can say is... seriously, brain? You can't come up with a less disturbing way of saying, "Hey! It' time to get up!"
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Friday, October 21, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Answering Howl
I decided to make another post to answer a friend's questions. These questions came from Midnite (midnitewolf139) on LiveJournal. :D
What branch of anthropology are you drawn to?
I expected to be drawn to Physical Anthropology, due to my love of working with bones and other physical remains. I was right in this respect, but I hadn't expected how wonderful I would find Cultural Anthropology, either. So while the branch I am most drawn to is Physical Anthropology (and in some ways Archaeology), I find that I've so far enjoyed every branch of the science that I've been exposed to and studied.
What specifically was it that made you decide to pursue anthropology as a major?
In a word, convenience. In all honesty, a means to an end. See, I want to be a Paleontologist. But that field of study isn't something you can focus on until PHD level, meaning I needed my AA, my BA, and my MA in some related field that would translate well into Paleontology when I was up to the level where I could go into it. There are three sciences that easily do that - Zoology, Biology, and Anthropology. Of these three, Santa Ana College only offered specialization in Bio and Anthro. Bio is fascinating, but when you get into any system lower than ecosystem (IE, cellular level, etc), I find it incredibly confusing. It took me two tries to pass beginning Biology with a C. I chose Anthropology also because I thought that perhaps learning more about human evolution and history would help me appreciate the human side of my dual nature - and it did!
What is one thing in your studies in anthropology that you never knew before hand, but caught you off guard?
The belief had been, among Anthropologists and scientists in general, that what separated humans from "lower" species came down to 3 things: Language, Metaphorical Thinking, and Tool Use. We were, they claimed, the only creature in the planet's history to possess those three things.
But, see, as we've studied the other creatures with which we share the planet, we've discovered that no - we are NOT as alone in those things as we believed. The first shocker was Jane Goodall proving that Chimpanzees use tools - simple tools, yes, but the concept of using two rocks as a hammer and anvil to break open nuts is something that scientists didn't believe they had the capability to figure out. Much less the other tools they have been witnessed using.
And language! Language doesn't have to be spoken, you know - do we say that people who use sign language are lower animals because they're gesturing to explain things? No! So why should animals that use gestures and body language (far more subtle than anything humans use, in most cases - animals can speak with the way their fur is laying, the tilt of an ear, or the tiniest swish of a tail that means nothing to us) be considered NOT to have language?
It's recently been proven that dogs, when left amongst themselves, bark for one reason - a certain type of warning. It's one bark, and it's the same bark that wolves use for the same warning. But dogs that are around humans have many, MANY different barks to communicate everything from hunger to intruders, to danger of other kinds. So barking as they do is a language dogs have developed for communication with HUMANS. They started barking to talk to US. That shows problem-solving abilities as well that no one had associated with canines previously.
And beyond that, we now have seen all kinds of animals using tools, communicating in ways that can be thought of as language, and demonstrating metaphorical understanding to a point (dogs understand where people point - most animals can't understand a gesture like that, and dolphins can associate flat 2D pictures with real objects - another thing people thought animals couldn't do, etc). So where is the line drawn between "higher" and "lower" animals now? Turns out there's no black and white line.
I suppose what caught me the most off guard was the fact that this has only been discovered so very RECENTLY, and I had just understood it and taken it for granted most of my life.
Last but not least--where/how do you think therianthropy fits into your studies of anthropology?
It fit in very well in both my cultural anthropology class, in which I was able to even write a paper about it for my participant observation paper - well, technically, I wrote about furries, but I had to bring up therianthropy to explain how I came to be aware of the subculture. I also was able to bring it up a lot in our religion class. The teachers have been fascinated and receptive, and in most cases just asked me for more information. :) I think it's kind of awesome. :D
What branch of anthropology are you drawn to?
I expected to be drawn to Physical Anthropology, due to my love of working with bones and other physical remains. I was right in this respect, but I hadn't expected how wonderful I would find Cultural Anthropology, either. So while the branch I am most drawn to is Physical Anthropology (and in some ways Archaeology), I find that I've so far enjoyed every branch of the science that I've been exposed to and studied.
What specifically was it that made you decide to pursue anthropology as a major?
In a word, convenience. In all honesty, a means to an end. See, I want to be a Paleontologist. But that field of study isn't something you can focus on until PHD level, meaning I needed my AA, my BA, and my MA in some related field that would translate well into Paleontology when I was up to the level where I could go into it. There are three sciences that easily do that - Zoology, Biology, and Anthropology. Of these three, Santa Ana College only offered specialization in Bio and Anthro. Bio is fascinating, but when you get into any system lower than ecosystem (IE, cellular level, etc), I find it incredibly confusing. It took me two tries to pass beginning Biology with a C. I chose Anthropology also because I thought that perhaps learning more about human evolution and history would help me appreciate the human side of my dual nature - and it did!
What is one thing in your studies in anthropology that you never knew before hand, but caught you off guard?
The belief had been, among Anthropologists and scientists in general, that what separated humans from "lower" species came down to 3 things: Language, Metaphorical Thinking, and Tool Use. We were, they claimed, the only creature in the planet's history to possess those three things.
But, see, as we've studied the other creatures with which we share the planet, we've discovered that no - we are NOT as alone in those things as we believed. The first shocker was Jane Goodall proving that Chimpanzees use tools - simple tools, yes, but the concept of using two rocks as a hammer and anvil to break open nuts is something that scientists didn't believe they had the capability to figure out. Much less the other tools they have been witnessed using.
And language! Language doesn't have to be spoken, you know - do we say that people who use sign language are lower animals because they're gesturing to explain things? No! So why should animals that use gestures and body language (far more subtle than anything humans use, in most cases - animals can speak with the way their fur is laying, the tilt of an ear, or the tiniest swish of a tail that means nothing to us) be considered NOT to have language?
It's recently been proven that dogs, when left amongst themselves, bark for one reason - a certain type of warning. It's one bark, and it's the same bark that wolves use for the same warning. But dogs that are around humans have many, MANY different barks to communicate everything from hunger to intruders, to danger of other kinds. So barking as they do is a language dogs have developed for communication with HUMANS. They started barking to talk to US. That shows problem-solving abilities as well that no one had associated with canines previously.
And beyond that, we now have seen all kinds of animals using tools, communicating in ways that can be thought of as language, and demonstrating metaphorical understanding to a point (dogs understand where people point - most animals can't understand a gesture like that, and dolphins can associate flat 2D pictures with real objects - another thing people thought animals couldn't do, etc). So where is the line drawn between "higher" and "lower" animals now? Turns out there's no black and white line.
I suppose what caught me the most off guard was the fact that this has only been discovered so very RECENTLY, and I had just understood it and taken it for granted most of my life.
Last but not least--where/how do you think therianthropy fits into your studies of anthropology?
It fit in very well in both my cultural anthropology class, in which I was able to even write a paper about it for my participant observation paper - well, technically, I wrote about furries, but I had to bring up therianthropy to explain how I came to be aware of the subculture. I also was able to bring it up a lot in our religion class. The teachers have been fascinated and receptive, and in most cases just asked me for more information. :) I think it's kind of awesome. :D
Sunday, October 16, 2011
This Blog Is Late!!
This blog isn't late because I didn't have anything to write... but rather because I had too MUCH to write. There's been a lot going on in my life in the last few weeks, and I'm just not quite ready to lay it all on the line yet. But it's foremost in my mind.. And I didn't want to wimp out and put up another Tooth & Arrows when everyone's waiting for TAE posts. (I can always babble about gaming. :P)
Instead, I'd like to do a bit of an open forum. If you have any questions for me, feel free to ask them in comments! I'll gladly answer whatever I can. This goes for all platforms across which this will be reposted (livejournal, blogger, facebook, etc.) as well, so even if this entry gets no non-spam comments (as is usual, lol) I'm sure that some of my followers will have questions.
So! I'm a (mostly) open book! Ask your questions, and I'll answer everything I can! (And I might save them for future Q&A blogs as well if the answer is too long for comments!)
Instead, I'd like to do a bit of an open forum. If you have any questions for me, feel free to ask them in comments! I'll gladly answer whatever I can. This goes for all platforms across which this will be reposted (livejournal, blogger, facebook, etc.) as well, so even if this entry gets no non-spam comments (as is usual, lol) I'm sure that some of my followers will have questions.
So! I'm a (mostly) open book! Ask your questions, and I'll answer everything I can! (And I might save them for future Q&A blogs as well if the answer is too long for comments!)
Friday, September 16, 2011
Six Years Gone
I didn't post on Monday this week because it seemed far more poignant to post today. Not because today is Friday, and not even because I had (and am fairly sure I passed) my first Statistics exam yesterday, but because today is the six year anniversary of me moving out of my parent's house in Texas and coming to live with my now fiancee and her family, who took me in as their own.
A lot has happened in the last six years - a lot of discovery, loss, joy, pain, and growing has happened on the part of me and everyone around me. I feel more like "myself" than I ever have before, and I've accomplished so very much in such a little span of time.
When I moved out here, I never thought I could go to college. I didn't think I was good enough even to pass the GED. But both my biological parents and my "adopted" parents (Lona's) encouraged me, and I passed it. Then I tested into College and began taking classes. I maintained a 4.0 GPA for many semesters and made it into Phi Theta Kappa, the 2 year college national honor society, the equivalent of Phi Beta Kappa. I will wear their pin when I graduate - which is going to be sooner rather than later.
Once I pass Statistics, I will only have 2 classes left, not only to transfer to Cal State Fullerton (where dad went), but to officially get my AA in Anthropology: my first degree.
In all of this, I've grown a lot as a person, and learned to trust the things I've always felt were right. I don't let other people pressure me into their points of view, and I have learned to listen to things fairly and evenly (though I admit I still have a problem with arguing even when I know I'm wrong), and have discussions.
I've grown to have actual emotional responses to things, rather than just crying or running away. I've learned to stand up for myself when I feel it's important, and to back down when it isn't. I've learned that I am an incredibly intelligent and talented individual, and I am still growing as a person, as a student, and as a spiritual being.
So many things I never would've learned if I wasn't here - I learned that I love roller-coasters, but hate falling. I've learned that love itself is an incredibly powerful emotion and can do things and get you through things you never thought you could survive. I've learned that sixty years of life doesn't make one person wise, and that twenty years of life doesn't make a person dumb - everyone is unique. I've learned that people do things, both good and bad, when you least expect them. I've learned the difference between the pain of losing a family member long-distance and losing one you share a house with. I've learned how to say goodbye, and how to say hello. I've learned that I like the scent of cherry blossoms, and I prefer softer materials to denim if I can help it.
I've learned that when someone leaves, they don't necessarily stay gone, and sometimes that which you can't see readily can be as real as that which you can. I've learned that I possess talents I didn't know about, and I'm still learning how to harness them. I've learned that love can turn a vicious alley cat into a snuggle kitty. I've learned that being half bobcat doesn't go well with half housecat.
I've learned that cancer can kill faster than you'd think possible. I've learned to treasure every moment with every person, because you never know when you'll speak the last "I love you." I've learned that you can impact people's lives without ever having met them in person. I've learned about balance, and decisions, and the value of silence and meditation. I've learned how to clean a kitchen and a bathroom without hurting myself. I've learned how to manage money (ok, so I'm still working on that one, but I'm better).
I've learned that cutting your own path means dealing with the rocks you uncover on the way, and that sometimes the experience of making the path smooth and easy is more than worth all the hard work that goes into it. I've learned that I don't need to visit a museum every couple of weeks to maintain that connection within me. I've learned to listen to the silence, the trees, and the wind, and feel in my soul what they have to say.
I've learned that it takes more than a year for a traumatic connection to fade in your mind. I've learned that a year after the fact, I still drive by certain buildings and find myself crying. I've learned to let myself cry. And I have learned, most of all, to love wholly and completely, without reservation.
Lona, I owe all of this to you. You came to Texas, six years ago today, and brought me home. And while I do miss my parents (I wish I had more time to talk to you guys!), I know that being here is where I'm supposed to be. And I am more than content.
Thank you, babe, for the gift that is your friendship and love. Thank you, mommy, for accepting me for who and what I am, for your encouragement and your love and your never-ending help along my path. Thank you, mom, for encouraging and helping me through all this growing I've had to do since moving here, and thank you for believing in me. Thank you, daddy, for your support and your intelligence and tips for dealing with things I never realized I'd need to. Thank you, dad, for being there for me out here until you couldn't be anymore - I will hold on to those memories forever, and I will never stop missing you. Thank you, aunt Bonnie, for teaching me to say goodbye - I still miss you, so much. Thank you, kitties, for showing love, acceptance, and patience with this confused puppy. Thank you, kitties I never even met while alive for teaching me that everything is a decision - and thank you for deciding to hang around.
Here's to another six years of joy, pain, excitement, passion, adventure, and most of all, love. Life is an adventure - but until you start living it, you never know just how incredible it can be.
A lot has happened in the last six years - a lot of discovery, loss, joy, pain, and growing has happened on the part of me and everyone around me. I feel more like "myself" than I ever have before, and I've accomplished so very much in such a little span of time.
When I moved out here, I never thought I could go to college. I didn't think I was good enough even to pass the GED. But both my biological parents and my "adopted" parents (Lona's) encouraged me, and I passed it. Then I tested into College and began taking classes. I maintained a 4.0 GPA for many semesters and made it into Phi Theta Kappa, the 2 year college national honor society, the equivalent of Phi Beta Kappa. I will wear their pin when I graduate - which is going to be sooner rather than later.
Once I pass Statistics, I will only have 2 classes left, not only to transfer to Cal State Fullerton (where dad went), but to officially get my AA in Anthropology: my first degree.
In all of this, I've grown a lot as a person, and learned to trust the things I've always felt were right. I don't let other people pressure me into their points of view, and I have learned to listen to things fairly and evenly (though I admit I still have a problem with arguing even when I know I'm wrong), and have discussions.
I've grown to have actual emotional responses to things, rather than just crying or running away. I've learned to stand up for myself when I feel it's important, and to back down when it isn't. I've learned that I am an incredibly intelligent and talented individual, and I am still growing as a person, as a student, and as a spiritual being.
So many things I never would've learned if I wasn't here - I learned that I love roller-coasters, but hate falling. I've learned that love itself is an incredibly powerful emotion and can do things and get you through things you never thought you could survive. I've learned that sixty years of life doesn't make one person wise, and that twenty years of life doesn't make a person dumb - everyone is unique. I've learned that people do things, both good and bad, when you least expect them. I've learned the difference between the pain of losing a family member long-distance and losing one you share a house with. I've learned how to say goodbye, and how to say hello. I've learned that I like the scent of cherry blossoms, and I prefer softer materials to denim if I can help it.
I've learned that when someone leaves, they don't necessarily stay gone, and sometimes that which you can't see readily can be as real as that which you can. I've learned that I possess talents I didn't know about, and I'm still learning how to harness them. I've learned that love can turn a vicious alley cat into a snuggle kitty. I've learned that being half bobcat doesn't go well with half housecat.
I've learned that cancer can kill faster than you'd think possible. I've learned to treasure every moment with every person, because you never know when you'll speak the last "I love you." I've learned that you can impact people's lives without ever having met them in person. I've learned about balance, and decisions, and the value of silence and meditation. I've learned how to clean a kitchen and a bathroom without hurting myself. I've learned how to manage money (ok, so I'm still working on that one, but I'm better).
I've learned that cutting your own path means dealing with the rocks you uncover on the way, and that sometimes the experience of making the path smooth and easy is more than worth all the hard work that goes into it. I've learned that I don't need to visit a museum every couple of weeks to maintain that connection within me. I've learned to listen to the silence, the trees, and the wind, and feel in my soul what they have to say.
I've learned that it takes more than a year for a traumatic connection to fade in your mind. I've learned that a year after the fact, I still drive by certain buildings and find myself crying. I've learned to let myself cry. And I have learned, most of all, to love wholly and completely, without reservation.
Lona, I owe all of this to you. You came to Texas, six years ago today, and brought me home. And while I do miss my parents (I wish I had more time to talk to you guys!), I know that being here is where I'm supposed to be. And I am more than content.
Thank you, babe, for the gift that is your friendship and love. Thank you, mommy, for accepting me for who and what I am, for your encouragement and your love and your never-ending help along my path. Thank you, mom, for encouraging and helping me through all this growing I've had to do since moving here, and thank you for believing in me. Thank you, daddy, for your support and your intelligence and tips for dealing with things I never realized I'd need to. Thank you, dad, for being there for me out here until you couldn't be anymore - I will hold on to those memories forever, and I will never stop missing you. Thank you, aunt Bonnie, for teaching me to say goodbye - I still miss you, so much. Thank you, kitties, for showing love, acceptance, and patience with this confused puppy. Thank you, kitties I never even met while alive for teaching me that everything is a decision - and thank you for deciding to hang around.
Here's to another six years of joy, pain, excitement, passion, adventure, and most of all, love. Life is an adventure - but until you start living it, you never know just how incredible it can be.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Cat Bite = Annoyance
I know, it's Friday and I haven't blogged yet. School is starting to weigh on me and I'm fighting harder to understand Statistics. However, I'm dealing with a physical problem that's now taking away all my planned homework time, at least for today. And that is frustrating.
Two nights ago, I was walking through the hallway in the middle of the night, and I stepped on Zig. Zig is an orange tabby cat that, after dad's passing, has kind of glued himself to me and claimed me as his new person. He's on my desk now as I write this.
Possible physical TMI warning, btw. Stop reading now if you want, though I promise not to post pictures or be too graphic.
I point out that I stepped on him, because I want it clear that I am NOT holding this against him in anyway, though it's frustrating. He twisted around and bit me, sinking a fang into my right calf muscle. For a moment, I thought I was fine, then I felt the blood start to well up and slide down my leg. I went and got Lona, we went into the bathroom, and she cleaned the wound out as best she could, then bandaged it. By the time I'd walked back to my desk, the bandages had soaked through, so she bandaged it again, this time with a gauze pad taped down over the wound. That didn't bleed through, and it felt better.
Flash forward to the next day, yesterday. In which I had to walk to my Statistics class, in the heat, wearing hot jeans. About halfway through my class, I felt the first twinges of pain at the actual site of the wound. I thought I was pressing it against the chair I was sitting on, so I shifted my leg. By the time class was over and I got back to my car, it felt... really weird. I was feeling pain in the FRONT of the leg, too. As if someone had shoved a dagger through the back of my calf muscle and it was sticking through the tibia and fibula, almost breaking the skin on the other side. My leg didn't enjoy driving, and when I went to get out of the car, it didn't want to hold me up.
Now, I should've been more careful. I should have said something about it right when I got home, but I let myself get distracted. As a result, I didn't think about it again until around 9 pm. About the time it started randomly twinging and twitching, which naturally drew my attention to it. And it hurt worse than it did before.
This time I talked to Claudia, and she reopened the wound and scrubbed it out with hydrogen peroxide (OW, if I may say), and then packed it with cayenne pepper to draw out the infection. Thus began what turned into a very long night.
The pain from the cayenne made it worse. My leg kept twitching - I couldn't go to bed, or I would've kept Lona up all night. So I tried sitting up in the living room and sleeping on the recliner with a pillow under my knee to elevate the wound. Not too long after I sat down, I started shivering.
Then I started shaking. I've never shivered that hard or that uncontrollably before. I put blankets over myself, which immediately started me sweating, but I didn't stop shaking. The last time I looked at a clock before I fell asleep, it was about 3:30am. I woke up at 5am, having to use the bathroom. To make matters worse, because my leg didn't want me to stand reliably, I hadn't done the dishes. I used the bathroom and started the dishes, but I was exhausted and my leg hurt. I was leaning on the counter... and I decided to do something about it. I took a cayenne pepper pill (to try and warm me up - it's good for circulation and equalizes your blood pressure, as well as I figured it would only help the infection be removed faster). I also took two ibuprophen for pain/fever, and a digestive enzymes pill to try and counteract the hell I knew the cayenne was going to send my stomach into. It worked to a point, in that the horrible, nauseating heartburn only lasted an hour instead of four or five hours, so that was good.
I finished the dishes around 8am, and then it started hitting me that I'd only slept for like an hour and a half. Lona got up later, and I crashed.... and woke up 2 hours later, almost exactly. I've been up since. My insomnia of the last few days is not helping me get better.
I feel weak and tired, I'm having trouble concentrating and focusing (hence being unable to do homework), and I know that when Claudia's done with what she's doing, she's going to clean out the wound again - remove the contaminated cayenne and pack it anew. I just hope that the cycle doesn't start all over again.
I hate hospitals, but for awhile last night... I was considering going to the ER. Shaking like that was disturbing - I almost couldn't breathe, and my heartbeat was erratic. I rode it out, but... maybe I shouldn't have. Maybe I should've gone to the ER.
Then again... it's only a cat bite.
Two nights ago, I was walking through the hallway in the middle of the night, and I stepped on Zig. Zig is an orange tabby cat that, after dad's passing, has kind of glued himself to me and claimed me as his new person. He's on my desk now as I write this.
Possible physical TMI warning, btw. Stop reading now if you want, though I promise not to post pictures or be too graphic.
I point out that I stepped on him, because I want it clear that I am NOT holding this against him in anyway, though it's frustrating. He twisted around and bit me, sinking a fang into my right calf muscle. For a moment, I thought I was fine, then I felt the blood start to well up and slide down my leg. I went and got Lona, we went into the bathroom, and she cleaned the wound out as best she could, then bandaged it. By the time I'd walked back to my desk, the bandages had soaked through, so she bandaged it again, this time with a gauze pad taped down over the wound. That didn't bleed through, and it felt better.
Flash forward to the next day, yesterday. In which I had to walk to my Statistics class, in the heat, wearing hot jeans. About halfway through my class, I felt the first twinges of pain at the actual site of the wound. I thought I was pressing it against the chair I was sitting on, so I shifted my leg. By the time class was over and I got back to my car, it felt... really weird. I was feeling pain in the FRONT of the leg, too. As if someone had shoved a dagger through the back of my calf muscle and it was sticking through the tibia and fibula, almost breaking the skin on the other side. My leg didn't enjoy driving, and when I went to get out of the car, it didn't want to hold me up.
Now, I should've been more careful. I should have said something about it right when I got home, but I let myself get distracted. As a result, I didn't think about it again until around 9 pm. About the time it started randomly twinging and twitching, which naturally drew my attention to it. And it hurt worse than it did before.
This time I talked to Claudia, and she reopened the wound and scrubbed it out with hydrogen peroxide (OW, if I may say), and then packed it with cayenne pepper to draw out the infection. Thus began what turned into a very long night.
The pain from the cayenne made it worse. My leg kept twitching - I couldn't go to bed, or I would've kept Lona up all night. So I tried sitting up in the living room and sleeping on the recliner with a pillow under my knee to elevate the wound. Not too long after I sat down, I started shivering.
Then I started shaking. I've never shivered that hard or that uncontrollably before. I put blankets over myself, which immediately started me sweating, but I didn't stop shaking. The last time I looked at a clock before I fell asleep, it was about 3:30am. I woke up at 5am, having to use the bathroom. To make matters worse, because my leg didn't want me to stand reliably, I hadn't done the dishes. I used the bathroom and started the dishes, but I was exhausted and my leg hurt. I was leaning on the counter... and I decided to do something about it. I took a cayenne pepper pill (to try and warm me up - it's good for circulation and equalizes your blood pressure, as well as I figured it would only help the infection be removed faster). I also took two ibuprophen for pain/fever, and a digestive enzymes pill to try and counteract the hell I knew the cayenne was going to send my stomach into. It worked to a point, in that the horrible, nauseating heartburn only lasted an hour instead of four or five hours, so that was good.
I finished the dishes around 8am, and then it started hitting me that I'd only slept for like an hour and a half. Lona got up later, and I crashed.... and woke up 2 hours later, almost exactly. I've been up since. My insomnia of the last few days is not helping me get better.
I feel weak and tired, I'm having trouble concentrating and focusing (hence being unable to do homework), and I know that when Claudia's done with what she's doing, she's going to clean out the wound again - remove the contaminated cayenne and pack it anew. I just hope that the cycle doesn't start all over again.
I hate hospitals, but for awhile last night... I was considering going to the ER. Shaking like that was disturbing - I almost couldn't breathe, and my heartbeat was erratic. I rode it out, but... maybe I shouldn't have. Maybe I should've gone to the ER.
Then again... it's only a cat bite.
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