A Strange Dream From Last Night....

As for where my night went after this dream, you can read my mobile blog. But for this one, I felt it was more at home here because of the subject matter.

What was the most disturbing about this dream was that, due to the mechanics of it, I was aware that if I fell asleep in the world of the dream, I would reawaken in my own normal life. Possibly even awaken from sleep. I... really don't like it when dreams do that, on account of the fact that it sometimes takes me hours after I've woken up to shake the feeling that I'm still dreaming.

I was my dire wolf self, but I had the ability to shift between feral and anthro form at will. I even had a kind of "in between" form that I tend to think of as being kind of like the animals in the Cats & Dogs movies, in that I can use my paws to hold things, and can balance on my hind legs for extended periods, without actually taking on a fully anthro appearance.

I was "working" with a lonely young boy who looked strangely like Haley Joel Osment, at the age in which he acted in The Sixth Sense - possibly younger. I was this child's "imaginary friend," but I knew that my true job was being his guardian and guide. He was spiritually sensitive (hence being able to see me at all), and could "tip the balance" one day (as Star Wars as that sounds), so I was supposed to guide and protect him. He knew I couldn't be with him all the time, and was aware that if I laid down to sleep, I would disappear and be back later. I always came back - he wasn't afraid of that.

I "fast forwarded" through many interactions with this boy, until he'd passed into what's termed in the movie Bedknobs And Broomsticks as "the age of not believing." Or, at least, he SHOULD have. And the fact that he still had and spoke to what his parents saw as an imaginary friend started disturbing them. They kept telling him I wasn't real. He fought back, insisting I was real, trying to get me to do things he KNEW I could do - like move objects in the real world, or cause something to materialize in the room... And as much as it hurt me, because this kid was VERY much my friend at this point, I had to refuse. His parent's couldn't know - I couldn't reveal myself.

I kept telling him this, but it only got worse. Once, after being sent to his room, he broke something on his desk and threw the broken pieces at me. I don't remember what it was now. I let them pass harmlessly through me, and tried to placate him. I'd told him at this point that he had a wonderful destiny, and what I really was to him - a friend and guardian. But he was going through puberty at this time, and as in so many stories, that is what kicked off his inate abilities. He shouted at me that he didn't care about some great destiny - his parents thought he was crazy and were going to have him hospitalized because of it. He didn't have any friends because he was considered weird, and was made fun of and tormented. And, in the mood he was in - it was all because of me.

I don't remember clearly what happened next. I was just aware that I had to "wake up" in reality, and had to do it RIGHT THEN, for some reason. It looked like I was running away from the problem, and I knew it, but like every other time the shift had happened to me, I didn't have a choice. I begged him to understand, that I couldn't help it, that he KNEW I couldn't help it. He shouted that he didn't care, and that if I left, I could never come back. And I was hit with a wave of power that blew me hard into the wall of his room - I'm sure his parents heard the crash. I heard them shouting up to him to stop it right now or they were going to call ... someone. An ambulance, police... I don't know. I was a little dazed and couldn't hear all the words.

I struggled to my feet and shook myself. The boy looked shocked and frustrated - he'd never done anything like that before. I met his eyes, I tried to say that "it's OK"... and at that moment, I literally passed out and hit the floor...

And I woke up. I actually WOKE UP. And I ached all over and felt as if I'd actually hit that wall. I laid there for a long time, trying to figure out if I'd actually experienced that (an alternate dimension or something), and finally decided that if it WAS, I'd go back to it like I had knowledge of always doing. And so I went back to sleep.

The rest of my night has been typed up already on my Mobile Blog (link's in the gadget to the right of this post), but I never went back to the boy, as far as I know. So maybe it was just a dream... But it left me a little haunted today, and I have to wonder... If that was real... Did I just doom a world?

The Week In Review

Not a lot has happened in this last week, but I promised to start doing this weekly so here I am.

Something that pointed out in my head how differently I see things than most people happened when I got something amazing in the mail from Lupa. Some mammoth ivory. A beautiful bark piece, as well as some smaller core pieces. Not enough to actually make a guess at the age of the mammoth, but still... something thousands of years old and from a creature that I as a dire wolf am intrinsicly linked to.

When I first held them in my hands, I felt like I was going to explode with the energy connection. It was as if the mammoth that had laid dormant in the ivory for thousands of years, mourning it's lost world, suddenly sparked to life in shock when our energies touched and said, "Oh hey, I remember you! I recognize your species!" I showed off the mammoth ivory excitedly to everyone in my house. My fiance was excited because it was something that was potentially expensive that I now was in possession of, but she's kind of money obsessed right now since she's job hunting and very aware of a low bank account, as am I. Her mom was excited because I was excited, but didn't really understand. My best friend was excited, but more for me than because of what it was - she was excited because of what it meant to me to have the things, but when I offered her a piece she just had a "where would I put it.." reaction. My brother was excited on an energy level - but he's a kitsune otherkin and very energy conscious. I offered him a piece and he took it in awe that I would give a piece away. His reaction was nice, but still not related to the way I reacted, and I don't know what the mammoth had to say to him, if anything.

Other than that, nothing's really drawn anything into sharp relief for me this last week. There've been arguments and fights, as there always are when we in the house get low on money - it's like two neighboring wolf packs when the population of food gets low. We start nudging at each other's edges, snapping and snarling and jockeying for position that might get us some money to be able to do what we need to do first.

I'm in Anthropology class right now as I write this, waiting for the actual class to start while I write this. The only other thing that's on my mind is that I got to school early today, parked and napped in my car a bit before heading up to class. I don't usually dream when I do that - I don't fall into a deep enough sleep to dream, but today I did.

It's already fading, as dreams have a tendency to do, but what I remember is that I'd decided, for whatever reason, not to go to class today, but I didn't want my family to know. I was driving around, looking for somewhere with something cheap to eat since I'm hungry. I kept getting lost in what should've been familiar areas that just weren't familiar. I remember muttering to myself at one point that I'd turned off the car when I parked at school so I wouldn't use up the gas I just paid sixteen dollars for (for a little over 4 gallons... gas prices are crazy), and here I was driving around and using up even more than I would've if I let the car run while I was sitting at school.

At one point I see a sign that reads "six lane freeway entrance ahead," I've always been able to read in dreams. I know that alone is weird. But I remember noting that I would get on the freeway and see where I went. But it was as if I was coming up onto the freeway at it's end, and getting on going the wrong way. I swerved around cars and managed to pull off a J-turn and went back the way I came, angrily muttering that the freeway hadn't gone this way the last time I'd been on it. It was about this time that my alarm went off and I jerked awake. My right hand was asleep, my body was sluggish, it took me a damn long time to get my alarm turned off. And I was actually surprised when I realized I was still in the parking lot. I sat there for a minute and finally managed to get myself out of the car and head in to class. Though since then I've just been thinking and wondering if that dream had any meaning (other than the obvious - go to school). I mean, I never have dreams when I nap in the car. It's uncomfortable, so I don't get into a deep sleep, so I have no idea what was going on this morning that I dreamed.

But yeah, that's this last week for me. See you next week!