My biggest issue in my spiritual life at this point is that I seem to lack the time to actually DO anything more than that which can be done "in and around" other aspects of my life. IE, praying in my head when I'm doing other things like doing dishes or cleaning, or communing with spirits that happen to "show up" in one way or another throughout my day, but not actively making a decision to speak to anything in particular.
I'm noticing a serious issue here, more than frustration. I have reason to believe that the nightmares I experienced the other night were because "something" got through the shields I usually keep up around the house and my mental "space." This has let me know that I NEED to get back to my regular spiritual activities - starting with moving my supplies from the plastic bin they're in, into their new home in a wooden chest we found in the garage in the midst of all the cleaning. I'm going to do that this week. I've promised myself, and them, and I will NOT fail again.
I'm going to find a chunk of time - most likely about 3 hours on Saturday morning - to do something spiritual, just to "refind" my feet, as far as that's concerned. I'm still incredibly happy, which brings me to my next point.
Two weeks into it now, and my positivity only continues to get better. I've had a few moments that I was down, and I was able to turn it back around very quickly. Today, even, I had another fantastic example of positivity in motion.
I went to bed about midnight last night, which is normal (or even early) for me. And I got up this morning at seven - again, normal for me. And I'm usually fine. However, I spent about 4 hours driving yesterday, and I didn't take into account how exhausting that would be, as well as this being my first day back to school after Spring Break, and therefore my brain apparently needed more time to sleep.
I did my normal morning routine, but rather than leaving insanely early for class, I decided to nap on the couch for an hour or so to try and wake myself up. I wound up actually sleeping through the alarm I'd set on my phone and sleeping nearly 2 hours rather than one. Good news - I'm awake and happy. Bad news, I was leaving WAY late to get a good parking place.
I heard that nagging voice in the back of my head saying that I was gonna have to park way in the back because I'd been lazy, and how could I do that.... - and as I've become quite adept at doing, I shut it down and replaced it with happiness and the knowledge that I was going to get an absolutely fantastic parking place.
I got to school, drove down the first row, and there was an empty spot way at the back... But I passed it up. See, the fantastic parking place I knew I was going to get was better than that. I drove up that row, turned and went up the next row - and there it was. 3 spots from the building I needed to go in, there was a spot sitting empty. So I happily parked, pulled out my Anthropology book, and did some studying before class.
Once again, my positivity has given me a fantastic and amazing parking place, just because I knew it would be there. :)
So, in review, overall, I'm doing really well. I'm going to find time to do things in a more organized manner when it comes to my spirituality, and I'm going to continue with my positivity - as it makes every day honestly fantastic!!
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Monday, March 28, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
A Strange Dream From Last Night....
As for where my night went after this dream, you can read my mobile blog. But for this one, I felt it was more at home here because of the subject matter.
What was the most disturbing about this dream was that, due to the mechanics of it, I was aware that if I fell asleep in the world of the dream, I would reawaken in my own normal life. Possibly even awaken from sleep. I... really don't like it when dreams do that, on account of the fact that it sometimes takes me hours after I've woken up to shake the feeling that I'm still dreaming.
I was my dire wolf self, but I had the ability to shift between feral and anthro form at will. I even had a kind of "in between" form that I tend to think of as being kind of like the animals in the Cats & Dogs movies, in that I can use my paws to hold things, and can balance on my hind legs for extended periods, without actually taking on a fully anthro appearance.
I was "working" with a lonely young boy who looked strangely like Haley Joel Osment, at the age in which he acted in The Sixth Sense - possibly younger. I was this child's "imaginary friend," but I knew that my true job was being his guardian and guide. He was spiritually sensitive (hence being able to see me at all), and could "tip the balance" one day (as Star Wars as that sounds), so I was supposed to guide and protect him. He knew I couldn't be with him all the time, and was aware that if I laid down to sleep, I would disappear and be back later. I always came back - he wasn't afraid of that.
I "fast forwarded" through many interactions with this boy, until he'd passed into what's termed in the movie Bedknobs And Broomsticks as "the age of not believing." Or, at least, he SHOULD have. And the fact that he still had and spoke to what his parents saw as an imaginary friend started disturbing them. They kept telling him I wasn't real. He fought back, insisting I was real, trying to get me to do things he KNEW I could do - like move objects in the real world, or cause something to materialize in the room... And as much as it hurt me, because this kid was VERY much my friend at this point, I had to refuse. His parent's couldn't know - I couldn't reveal myself.
I kept telling him this, but it only got worse. Once, after being sent to his room, he broke something on his desk and threw the broken pieces at me. I don't remember what it was now. I let them pass harmlessly through me, and tried to placate him. I'd told him at this point that he had a wonderful destiny, and what I really was to him - a friend and guardian. But he was going through puberty at this time, and as in so many stories, that is what kicked off his inate abilities. He shouted at me that he didn't care about some great destiny - his parents thought he was crazy and were going to have him hospitalized because of it. He didn't have any friends because he was considered weird, and was made fun of and tormented. And, in the mood he was in - it was all because of me.
I don't remember clearly what happened next. I was just aware that I had to "wake up" in reality, and had to do it RIGHT THEN, for some reason. It looked like I was running away from the problem, and I knew it, but like every other time the shift had happened to me, I didn't have a choice. I begged him to understand, that I couldn't help it, that he KNEW I couldn't help it. He shouted that he didn't care, and that if I left, I could never come back. And I was hit with a wave of power that blew me hard into the wall of his room - I'm sure his parents heard the crash. I heard them shouting up to him to stop it right now or they were going to call ... someone. An ambulance, police... I don't know. I was a little dazed and couldn't hear all the words.
I struggled to my feet and shook myself. The boy looked shocked and frustrated - he'd never done anything like that before. I met his eyes, I tried to say that "it's OK"... and at that moment, I literally passed out and hit the floor...
And I woke up. I actually WOKE UP. And I ached all over and felt as if I'd actually hit that wall. I laid there for a long time, trying to figure out if I'd actually experienced that (an alternate dimension or something), and finally decided that if it WAS, I'd go back to it like I had knowledge of always doing. And so I went back to sleep.
The rest of my night has been typed up already on my Mobile Blog (link's in the gadget to the right of this post), but I never went back to the boy, as far as I know. So maybe it was just a dream... But it left me a little haunted today, and I have to wonder... If that was real... Did I just doom a world?
What was the most disturbing about this dream was that, due to the mechanics of it, I was aware that if I fell asleep in the world of the dream, I would reawaken in my own normal life. Possibly even awaken from sleep. I... really don't like it when dreams do that, on account of the fact that it sometimes takes me hours after I've woken up to shake the feeling that I'm still dreaming.
I was my dire wolf self, but I had the ability to shift between feral and anthro form at will. I even had a kind of "in between" form that I tend to think of as being kind of like the animals in the Cats & Dogs movies, in that I can use my paws to hold things, and can balance on my hind legs for extended periods, without actually taking on a fully anthro appearance.
I was "working" with a lonely young boy who looked strangely like Haley Joel Osment, at the age in which he acted in The Sixth Sense - possibly younger. I was this child's "imaginary friend," but I knew that my true job was being his guardian and guide. He was spiritually sensitive (hence being able to see me at all), and could "tip the balance" one day (as Star Wars as that sounds), so I was supposed to guide and protect him. He knew I couldn't be with him all the time, and was aware that if I laid down to sleep, I would disappear and be back later. I always came back - he wasn't afraid of that.
I "fast forwarded" through many interactions with this boy, until he'd passed into what's termed in the movie Bedknobs And Broomsticks as "the age of not believing." Or, at least, he SHOULD have. And the fact that he still had and spoke to what his parents saw as an imaginary friend started disturbing them. They kept telling him I wasn't real. He fought back, insisting I was real, trying to get me to do things he KNEW I could do - like move objects in the real world, or cause something to materialize in the room... And as much as it hurt me, because this kid was VERY much my friend at this point, I had to refuse. His parent's couldn't know - I couldn't reveal myself.
I kept telling him this, but it only got worse. Once, after being sent to his room, he broke something on his desk and threw the broken pieces at me. I don't remember what it was now. I let them pass harmlessly through me, and tried to placate him. I'd told him at this point that he had a wonderful destiny, and what I really was to him - a friend and guardian. But he was going through puberty at this time, and as in so many stories, that is what kicked off his inate abilities. He shouted at me that he didn't care about some great destiny - his parents thought he was crazy and were going to have him hospitalized because of it. He didn't have any friends because he was considered weird, and was made fun of and tormented. And, in the mood he was in - it was all because of me.
I don't remember clearly what happened next. I was just aware that I had to "wake up" in reality, and had to do it RIGHT THEN, for some reason. It looked like I was running away from the problem, and I knew it, but like every other time the shift had happened to me, I didn't have a choice. I begged him to understand, that I couldn't help it, that he KNEW I couldn't help it. He shouted that he didn't care, and that if I left, I could never come back. And I was hit with a wave of power that blew me hard into the wall of his room - I'm sure his parents heard the crash. I heard them shouting up to him to stop it right now or they were going to call ... someone. An ambulance, police... I don't know. I was a little dazed and couldn't hear all the words.
I struggled to my feet and shook myself. The boy looked shocked and frustrated - he'd never done anything like that before. I met his eyes, I tried to say that "it's OK"... and at that moment, I literally passed out and hit the floor...
And I woke up. I actually WOKE UP. And I ached all over and felt as if I'd actually hit that wall. I laid there for a long time, trying to figure out if I'd actually experienced that (an alternate dimension or something), and finally decided that if it WAS, I'd go back to it like I had knowledge of always doing. And so I went back to sleep.
The rest of my night has been typed up already on my Mobile Blog (link's in the gadget to the right of this post), but I never went back to the boy, as far as I know. So maybe it was just a dream... But it left me a little haunted today, and I have to wonder... If that was real... Did I just doom a world?
Monday, March 21, 2011
Welcome to Spring Break!
Also known as "another monday, another post". :D
My positivity has continued to pay off over the last week, both in actual money and in just... mental piece of mind. I'm happy, I'm healthy, and each day continues to be as as amazing if not more amazing than the last.
We had an incredibly powerful thunderstorm last night. The thunder woke me from a sound sleep, and I'd thought that a bomb had gone off in my dream and that had woken me up. Then, as I was trying to sleep again, the room lit up with some lightning and the thunder slammed the entire room and made the walls rattle. So that was just kind of awesome. I let myself slip into a mostly asleep "fanfiction dream," that involved random elements from World of Warcraft mixed with Doctor Who, which made something interesting that I don't really remember now.
As far as the base topic of this blog, I don't have much to report. I've settled into a calm spirituality now. I experience things on a daily basis, don't overthink them, and just generally go about what I need to, feeling spiritual when I need to.
Sometimes, though, the urge is incredibly strong, and I feel the need to "do something." I've been feeling that recently with regards to visiting a natural history museum. Oddly enough, it isn't the tar pits that are calling to me this time, it's the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County. I haven't been in over a year, and they've made a lot of changes... And something in there now is calling to me. I need to go see what it is.
Beyond that, I don't know that I have much to add this week. I feel the need to get a bumper sticker for my jeep, but I'm not quite sure what to get. It doesn't help that searching "wolf" on cafepress' bumper stickers comes up mostly with Twilight references. >.< Ugh.
Anyway, we're on spring break this week, so there might be more posts. I have a couple of projects I want to take the time to get done this week, too. So here's hoping I have time for all I want to do! :D
My positivity has continued to pay off over the last week, both in actual money and in just... mental piece of mind. I'm happy, I'm healthy, and each day continues to be as as amazing if not more amazing than the last.
We had an incredibly powerful thunderstorm last night. The thunder woke me from a sound sleep, and I'd thought that a bomb had gone off in my dream and that had woken me up. Then, as I was trying to sleep again, the room lit up with some lightning and the thunder slammed the entire room and made the walls rattle. So that was just kind of awesome. I let myself slip into a mostly asleep "fanfiction dream," that involved random elements from World of Warcraft mixed with Doctor Who, which made something interesting that I don't really remember now.
As far as the base topic of this blog, I don't have much to report. I've settled into a calm spirituality now. I experience things on a daily basis, don't overthink them, and just generally go about what I need to, feeling spiritual when I need to.
Sometimes, though, the urge is incredibly strong, and I feel the need to "do something." I've been feeling that recently with regards to visiting a natural history museum. Oddly enough, it isn't the tar pits that are calling to me this time, it's the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles County. I haven't been in over a year, and they've made a lot of changes... And something in there now is calling to me. I need to go see what it is.
Beyond that, I don't know that I have much to add this week. I feel the need to get a bumper sticker for my jeep, but I'm not quite sure what to get. It doesn't help that searching "wolf" on cafepress' bumper stickers comes up mostly with Twilight references. >.< Ugh.
Anyway, we're on spring break this week, so there might be more posts. I have a couple of projects I want to take the time to get done this week, too. So here's hoping I have time for all I want to do! :D
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Ack, I'm late!!
Thanks to connection issues, I hadn't been able to type out anything while I was in anthropology on Monday, so I'm fixing that now. Ironically, I'm in Anthropology again. :p
Anyway, I've been having the most amazing week. Four or five days ago, I woke up and decided that I was beautiful and wonderful, and that the day was also beautiful and wonderful and everything was amazing. No matter what happened, that day, I kept repeating that to myself. And you know what? I felt incredibly happy.
I felt incredible, and then, unexpectedly, I got a check from Financial Aid. The day really was amazing!
Realizing I was effecting the universe, I've continued to do this every day. And each day, something amazing has happened. Excellent parking spots, free stuff, amazing timing... Everything is awesome, because I say it is. And realizing that is great. I've continued this to this day and it has yet to fail. It gets difficult, because of physical pain, headaches, people upset, but as long as I don't lose sight of the day being amazing... it's been amazing.
I'm so excited about my skeletal Anthropology lab today. I can't wait.
I'm also apparently incredibly distracted. I need to stop waiting until Monday to update and update as things happen. :P So, perhaps more posts will be forthcoming.
Anyway, I've been having the most amazing week. Four or five days ago, I woke up and decided that I was beautiful and wonderful, and that the day was also beautiful and wonderful and everything was amazing. No matter what happened, that day, I kept repeating that to myself. And you know what? I felt incredibly happy.
I felt incredible, and then, unexpectedly, I got a check from Financial Aid. The day really was amazing!
Realizing I was effecting the universe, I've continued to do this every day. And each day, something amazing has happened. Excellent parking spots, free stuff, amazing timing... Everything is awesome, because I say it is. And realizing that is great. I've continued this to this day and it has yet to fail. It gets difficult, because of physical pain, headaches, people upset, but as long as I don't lose sight of the day being amazing... it's been amazing.
I'm so excited about my skeletal Anthropology lab today. I can't wait.
I'm also apparently incredibly distracted. I need to stop waiting until Monday to update and update as things happen. :P So, perhaps more posts will be forthcoming.
Monday, March 7, 2011
It's still Monday!
For another hour, anyway. I'm not late yet!
However, this won't be a long post. For the simple reason that holding my arms in position to type is really painful right now. We had a garage sale this weekend, and I managed to get through the whole thing without badly hurting myself. Until I took the "leftovers" to Goodwill. No one was available to help me unload, and I wanted desperately to be done. I could've waited. I didn't. I grabbed a bin and unloaded the back of my car myself.
When I got down to a box of full sets of plates padded with clothes, I lifted it easily.. But lowering it into the bin was another matter. I wrenched my shoulder something awful. Getting back into the car was excruciating. Over the next few hours, with a hot shower, arnica rub, and a lot of ibuprophen, I managed to calm it down. But I still couldn't type more than a few words without growling in pain.
It's been easier, if stiff, today, but taking notes in Human Development tonight killed me. Need to stop typing soon.
I AM going to be posting some pictures very soon - pictures of the mammoth ivory I mentioned in a previous post, as well as pictures of the INCREDIBLE present I got this week.
An old and amazing friend and packmate of mine who has gone by many names over the years sent me a dire wolf metatarsel bone. The energy of this bone is incredible... I shake every time I hold it. I want to get it a respectful display box, and do some actual communing with it. With my school schedule, I haven't had the chance, yet.
Just... thank you for that incredible gift. You truly are amazing. I only wish I could get you something for YOUR birthday that would be nearly as incredible. :( I'm working on art, but as I'm tablet-less, Photoshop-less, and now INJURED... it isn't ready yet. :(
Anyway, I think that's it for now. It's been a very long week for some of my dear packmates, and I howl with all of you, be it in grief, happiness, confusion, or joy.
See you all next week!
However, this won't be a long post. For the simple reason that holding my arms in position to type is really painful right now. We had a garage sale this weekend, and I managed to get through the whole thing without badly hurting myself. Until I took the "leftovers" to Goodwill. No one was available to help me unload, and I wanted desperately to be done. I could've waited. I didn't. I grabbed a bin and unloaded the back of my car myself.
When I got down to a box of full sets of plates padded with clothes, I lifted it easily.. But lowering it into the bin was another matter. I wrenched my shoulder something awful. Getting back into the car was excruciating. Over the next few hours, with a hot shower, arnica rub, and a lot of ibuprophen, I managed to calm it down. But I still couldn't type more than a few words without growling in pain.
It's been easier, if stiff, today, but taking notes in Human Development tonight killed me. Need to stop typing soon.
I AM going to be posting some pictures very soon - pictures of the mammoth ivory I mentioned in a previous post, as well as pictures of the INCREDIBLE present I got this week.
An old and amazing friend and packmate of mine who has gone by many names over the years sent me a dire wolf metatarsel bone. The energy of this bone is incredible... I shake every time I hold it. I want to get it a respectful display box, and do some actual communing with it. With my school schedule, I haven't had the chance, yet.
Just... thank you for that incredible gift. You truly are amazing. I only wish I could get you something for YOUR birthday that would be nearly as incredible. :( I'm working on art, but as I'm tablet-less, Photoshop-less, and now INJURED... it isn't ready yet. :(
Anyway, I think that's it for now. It's been a very long week for some of my dear packmates, and I howl with all of you, be it in grief, happiness, confusion, or joy.
See you all next week!
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